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Distance (is more than just miles..)

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Home -> Forums -> Other Poetry -> Distance (is more than just miles..)
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Sir Daniel
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Joined: 02 Dec 2008
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Location: Daytona Beach, Florida
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PostPosted: Monday, 18 June 2012, 15:19 PM    Post subject: Distance (is more than just miles..) Reply with quote

Distance
(is more than just miles..)


The distance has always been there, between you and I
I lived 10 miles from you, under a different sky
You created a new world and left me alone in mine
Between us there exists an invisible line..



1970

Back then you didn't need another mouth to feed
With five kids before me, you had a full house indeed
A house that would fall apart later on that year
One day a busy swing-set would just disappear..

The state had stepped in, I was only two
They took us away from both Mom and you
Your marriage didn't last, you soon divorced
No one was allowed to see us, this the state enforced..

Soon you re-married, you found love with your new wife
You got your act together, picked up the pieces of life
You slowly got your kids back, by then I was five
You also had another child, unfortunately, he didn't survive..

By now Mom had also re-married, she wanted us too
So you packed away my suit-case, you bid me adieu
With another baby on the way, you needed more space
I moved in with Mom into her new place..

Mom's house was also crowded, no room for me there
In less than two years, I wound up again in foster care
While your new marriage had failed, this time the stumbling block
The baby I had moved out for, couldn't see, talk or walk..


1975

This baby was named Shawn, he was full of laughter and charm
He was sent to be live with his mothers parents on their farm
Although only my half-brother, he was still close enough kin
For foster care to decide this was the best place to put me in..

Shawn's family hated you with a passion, why? I've not a clue
They never once had anything to say good in regards to you
They pointed out, you would never visit Shawn, even on his birthday
"It's not like" they would always remind me, "your dad lives that far away.."

I was taught to feel guilty when someone said your name
For the next nine years I learned how to play the blame game
This is how we grew distant while only living a few miles apart
Then I heard you had disowned me.. that news broke my heart..



2012

Years have past, I moved away.. living on my own
I keep a thousand miles between my past, I'm in my own time zone
I'm torn about how to feel about you.. for Shawn needed you there
I can still hear it in my head... "Your father doesn't even care.."

Yet now I can see your side, Shawn's family was to much
Anything you would do would upset them at the slightest touch
You knew they taught me to hate you, it showed in my eyes
So we spent many more years living under different skies..

However this year a promise, my sisters last desire
For you and I to put away our past and try to acquire
An understanding of each other, perhaps one day, who knows
A father/son relationship that day by day grows..

I have to learn to forgive, to let my anger die
It's happening very slowly, as each day passes by
It started on facebook, you requested to be my friend
Even if I can't forget our past I can at least learn to pretend..


Tomorrow

So even if I never said it, I hope that you know
The future is ours to create, the past.. a long time ago
The distance that was between us is slowly fading away
For the first time ever I'll tell you, Happy Father's Day..




2012



Note: As the reader can see, this poem reflects a past that only I can relate too, it's far more personal that I'm normally used to posting and it shadows a relationship I've not had with my father. I wrote this as an attempt to do a challenge poem of writing about what your father has taught you but in the end, this poem failed.. so I've decided not to use it for the challenges and as of right now, the only place I'm posting it is here.

Anyone who knows my poetry will remember Shawn, as he was a huge part of my childhood (the only kid near my age I could play with yet he couldn't play because of his handicaps). This poem explains how I wound up in the same home with Shawn and how both he and I were rejected by our father yet I hope it shows a new hope my Dad and I have made this year as a promise to my sister before she died.

Thank you again for reading me..

~ Daniel


Last edited by Sir Daniel on Tuesday, 19 June 2012, 2:07 AM; edited 1 time in total
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Janice J Kennedy
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PostPosted: Monday, 18 June 2012, 15:34 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

You leave me speechless, Daniel. And you brought tears to my eyes.

You have wrote about your life before. But this one touched me to the core.
This is such a heart felt poem, my friend! T/C

~ Hugs Jan Smile read2 console 058 Smile

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Insomnius
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Joined: 04 May 2010
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PostPosted: Monday, 18 June 2012, 17:26 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow Daniel. I have no words, a great write and from the heart. Thank you so much for sharing.

_________________
"I Shall Look At The World Through Tears. Perhaps I Shall See Things That, Dry-Eyed, I Could Not See".---Nicholas Wolterstorff.
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Maggie
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Joined: 10 Aug 2005
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Location: Eastern USA
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Currently Reading: "Snippets of Life" by Peggy Harwood

PostPosted: Monday, 18 June 2012, 17:39 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Daniel,

My heart goes out to you for surviving your terribly difficult past and for your effort to create a positive relationship with your father today. You have indeed touched a nerve for my own past has left a mark on me though nowhere near the mark that was left on you.

I would be interested in learning how your facebook relationship progresses. It, in my opinion, would be good material for future poems in the very least.

I've just said a prayer for you and your father.

Take care, my friend!!!!

Peggy

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"Then he thinks he knows/ The hills where his life rose/ And the sea where it goes." from the "Buried Life" by Matthew Arnold
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Sir Daniel
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Joined: 02 Dec 2008
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Location: Daytona Beach, Florida
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PostPosted: Tuesday, 19 June 2012, 2:16 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

thank you all for your reply.. I really dont like this poem to much but perhaps just because it's "made for my life" and I don't believe anyone else would be able to relate to it in the way I desired.. I also think I use the word "by" to often in this but...

facebook progress is good, when I first joined facebook (a year and a half ago) my Dad had requested to be my friend and I turned him down. All the little events where he had rejected me over my life (which are not in this poem) all played up in my head and I simply wasn't ready to give him access to my life.. However, I did allow friendship with my step-mom and durring my sisters last month it was my step-mom who kept the clear head, my own Mom was (understandablely) to emotional for me to get the "real story" from. This fact, plus I knew my sister wanted her family to attempt to heal from the wounds of 40 years ago, is why I decided to accept my Dad's friendship finually.. The first thing on my facebook wall that my Dad replied to was this years Daytona 500 race when one of the drivers ran into a clean-up machine and created a fireball.. that shocked me and made me realize he and I both had common interests.. Then last week, on my birthday.. he did something so small he prob. doesn't even know how it touched me but for me it was huge.. he called me "son" in his birthday wish.. In my entire life, he had never called me his son before..

so I believe that might have something to do with the ending of the poem, because we have made progress.. but still I'm not ready to talk to him on the phone and a visit it way out of the question..

take care everyone, I'm off to work.

~ Daniel
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Janice J Kennedy
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PostPosted: Wednesday, 20 June 2012, 5:11 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes Daniel it is your story.

We each have our own. Some of it is bad, some of it is good.
It took me 40 years to forgive my dad, and to realize in his own way he did
love me as much as he was able. Give yourself time, but don't wait too long.
You don't want to end up living with regrets, either. Take care my friend. Hugs!


~ Jan Smile

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