Welcome to Publisher Database!

community resources for writers, artists, poets, and photographers

You should register or login.

Please read before posting.

Weblogs News

Log in
(It's free!)
Watched Topics
Edit Your Profile

My New Diet

Post new topic   Reply to topic    Home -> Forums -> Humorous Poetry/Limerick Challenge -> My New Diet
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message

Joined: 29 Sep 2009
Posts: 334
Location: sheffield UK
Reputation: 946.2Reputation: 946.2Reputation: 946.2
votes: 25

PostPosted: Saturday, 02 January 2010, 8:48 AM    Post subject: My New Diet Reply with quote

My New Diet
Roger Turner

I told the doc that I didn’t feel good,
Too much rum butter and rich Christmas pud.
All those sweets and chocolate biscuits too,
Plus a glass of red wine. Well, quite a few.

The doctor he looked me up and down,
Then gave to me a well meaning frown.
‘You need to lose a lot of that podge.
‘You’ve been eating far too much stodge!’

He told me to join a local diet club,
They would cut out some of my favourite grub.
So I toddled off home feeling really glum,
And forced all my dinner down into my tum.

So I plucked up courage the following day,
For Weight Watchers was not too far away.
I gave them voucher that I had found,
Got on the scales, then had a look round.

The room it was full, but I soon found a seat,
I was scared stiff and needed something to eat.
Debra introduced me to the rest of the class,
I smile half hearted, I felt such an ass.

She then gave a talk about being overweight,
Then scowled at one woman who sneaked in late.
My goal was to lose… Well, I’m not telling you,
And she gave me a booklet telling me just what to do.

‘There are many nice things you can have for your tea,’
I didn’t realise she was talking to me.
‘Points are the way we do it round here!’
Sounds like damn ballet dancing. Gee I fancied a beer.

I was right tempted when she sent us home,
To call in at the chippy and have a good moan.
But off home I went, like a really good lad,
Gee those chips did smell good. Oh, struggle I had.

Lettuce, tomatoes and spring onions too,
Apples and pears are all good for you.
But you can still have your favourite grub
And still give your tummy and well meaning rub.

So I spent the week doing as I was told,
And stuck to my diet, feeling as good as gold.
Counting the points was not at all bad,
And small food like changes did not make me sad.

Feeling much better with my fiver in hand,
I went to the meeting and in the queue I did stand.
I stepped on the scale like a mouse on a trap.
‘You have lost a full pound!’ They all gave me a clap.

It will take many weeks to reach my goal weight,
And I’ll have to make sure that I don’t eat too late.
But as long as I’m careful with what I do eat.
Then perhaps by the summer, once again I’ll see my feet.

Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Helen Herliana
Respected Advisor

Joined: 05 Oct 2009
Posts: 963
Location: West Java
Reputation: 876.7Reputation: 876.7Reputation: 876.7
votes: 16
Currently Reading: The Woman in White, by Wilkie Collins

PostPosted: Saturday, 02 January 2010, 9:00 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Christmas dinners !!! Of course, they are dieters' number one temptation. We gain weight very fast during Christmas time. I'm glad I don't have to have a diet. lol! Why don't you move this poem to the Christmas Carousels. I think it's about Christmas. Good story too. Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Janice J Kennedy

PostPosted: Saturday, 02 January 2010, 16:48 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very amusing in some respects Roger! For myself I can gain weigh just from the smell of food, and that is no fun. Helen, I think your system must be like my grandmother's was. She could eat rings around me and never gain an ounce. Thanks for the laugh, Roger. Hope it won't take that long before you can see your feet, again. Is that with or without your flip flops on??? LOL

Hugs Jan Laughing happy3 happy7 wav happy3 happy7 Laughing

Back to top
Rising Star

Joined: 05 Mar 2011
Posts: 159
Location: Macomb, IL
Reputation: 257.2Reputation: 257.2Reputation: 257.2Reputation: 257.2
votes: 3
Currently Reading: news on computer...

PostPosted: Wednesday, 26 July 2017, 17:12 PM    Post subject: Weight watchers Reply with quote

I remember someone saying they hadn't seen their "feet" since the Nixon administration. I thought that was humorous. I also had a friend who went to weight watchers. He said, every time he had lost weight, there was a woman who would lose a pound more. He was aggravated about that, which tickled my funny bone. He went and exercised with a trainer three days a week. Now, that had to be expensive! He would get down to 300 lbs and then, feeling better about himself would gain back the ten pounds he had lost. At least he was trying. Then, he knew he had to go back to weight watchers the next week and really tried to lose it quick!

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Partial Quote - Calvin Coolidge
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Blog
Child Of Promise

Joined: 26 Mar 2018
Posts: 22

Reputation: 9Reputation: 9Reputation: 9Reputation: 9Reputation: 9Reputation: 9Reputation: 9Reputation: 9Reputation: 9

PostPosted: Wednesday, 04 April 2018, 10:40 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Funny) the author is well done. You can even make a song with these words.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Home -> Forums -> Humorous Poetry/Limerick Challenge -> My New Diet All times are GMT - 8 Hours
Page 1 of 1

Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum

RSS Atom

Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group